Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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