well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
