Screwed.edu
only you would photoshop your dick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
