I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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