I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
