I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Randomize
