If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
