Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
