Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
