my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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