The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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