no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize