I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
