areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
