Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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