You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
