So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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