I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
