I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
