Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
