Im at strip club and am horny
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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