Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
