guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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