So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
