My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
