you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
