At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
