So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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