so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think people are normalizing furries
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
