haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
