You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
