I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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