just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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