So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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