Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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