There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
