Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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