Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
