Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
