our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
