in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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