if i can run in heels then i can drive
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize