Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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