You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
