I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
