Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
