I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
