i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
