I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
