I heard we made out
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
