I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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