is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
