i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
