Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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