Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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