What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
