Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
