we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
