i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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