a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he just fucked me for my cheese..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
