he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
