If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
