Banned from zoo.
Again?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
