Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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