Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
