I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
should my penis look like a turkey
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
