can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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