Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
