he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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