How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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