Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize