I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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