Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i will never coherently bang her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
