You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We talked him into tasing himself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
