this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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