He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
