at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
