i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
