she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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