Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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