Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
