did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize