I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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