woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
