At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
