Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
