god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
