nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize