I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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