Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
