history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
