no, he came in my armpit
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
