I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
