Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
