I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
