My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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