...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
