I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
