I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
