Your dad touched me again.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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