I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
