Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
